used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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