question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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