thus making me awesome and them whores
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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