Your tits are I can't wait for
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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