this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
