Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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