Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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