On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
