our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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