Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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