I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
