So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
