the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
