SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
