JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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