I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
