I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
