Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
