So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
