in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
