You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
