That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
