good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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