i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
