I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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