forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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