You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
