If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
