A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
