Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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