and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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