When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
