when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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