it hurts more in the daytime
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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