Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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