Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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