I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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