Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
