Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
