Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
