So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
