You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
