just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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