I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
