I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
