Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
