"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Two words: nipple clamps
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