Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
