She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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