I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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