So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
