I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
