singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
